Busting 8 Myths About Bisexual People

Sexual identity is a fascinating, multi-layered thing, and I’m in love with the amount of attention and honest discussion it’s getting these days. However, I still find that a lot of people — in both the cishet and LGBTQIA+ communities — have trouble understanding bisexuality. There are a few common myths floating around that I think need to be put to bed once and for all.

1. Bisexual people are just greedy and obsessed with sex.

Um, no. If you like multiple flavors of ice cream, does that automatically mean you eat all the ice cream all of the time? No, that’d be dumb. Just because bisexuals like many kinds of people doesn’t mean we have no self-restraint. You might even say we have more self-restraint because we have more viable options? Also, you could argue that bisexual people are less obsessed with sex, because the sex of the person we are interested in isn’t a deciding factor for us. We see people, not genitalia.

2. Bisexual people can’t be monogamous/are always polyamorous.

Again, no. Attraction has nothing to do with your ability to be in certain kinds of relationships. I am a bi woman, and I’m in a committed monogamous relationship. I don’t think I could be polyamorous, even if I tried. Besides, “monogamous or polyamorous” a false dichotomy (people can be both, it has nothing to do with lack of commitment or restraint).

3. Bisexual people’s sexuality is based on their relationship.

I am in a heterosexual relationship with a man right now. I am not heterosexual, because I am still attracted to many different kinds of people. If I were dating a woman, I would not a lesbian for the same reason. If I were single, I would be willing to pursue a relationship with anyone along the gender spectrum.

4. The term “bisexual” erases the gender spectrum.

This is a mistake I mainly hear from fellow queer people, and it’s borne out of a misunderstanding about what “bi” means. It doesn’t mean “male or female,” and it never has. Think about where the word comes from: “heterosexual” means “different sex” and “homosexual” means “same sex.” The “bi” in “bisexual” stands for “same and different,” which encompasses the entire gender spectrum. If there is an inherent problematic binary in all three of these terms, that’s a conversation for straight, gay, and bi people to have together. Stop finger pointing at one group!

5. Bisexual people are just transitioning into being gay/lesbian.

Sadly, this is a very pervasive misconception, and it stems from the same flawed logic that is used to invalidate gay people across the world: “It’s a choice.” You don’t choose to be straight or gay, and likewise you don’t choose to be bisexual. I’m not bisexual because I’m trying to pull a “fade out/fade in” into being a lesbian. I simply am what I am. If that’s good enough for everyone else, it should be good enough for us.

6. Bisexual people are attracted 50/50 to the same and different genders.

Nope, bisexual people can be attracted to different genders in different ways. I’m probably about 70% sexually attracted to different genders, and 30% sexually attracted to my same gender. As long as you are attracted to more than just one gender, in any percentage, guess what — you’re bisexual! Yay, welcome!

7. Bisexual and pansexual people are inherently different.

I haven’t talked to enough pansexual people to understand exactly where they see their identity diverge from bisexuality. But from my understanding, pansexuality was defined as a reaction to the misconception about bisexuality discussed in point 4. In other words, it’s really just another way to describe bisexuality: attraction to people regardless of gender. I choose to identify as bisexual because that’s the term I grew up with, but I could just as easily call myself pansexual.

8. Bisexual people need to have been with multiple genders.

One final hell naw for the road. I’ve been with multiple genders, but I know some bisexual people who have only been with a single gender, and others who haven’t been with anyone at all! We are all still bisexual people, the same way a straight virgin is still straight, or a closeted gay person is still gay even if they’ve never been with someone of the same sex. Why? Because sexuality is based on attraction, and attraction is not synonymous with action. If you think that the only valid attractions are the ones acted on, you have other things to worry about.

So, there you have it. Eight myths about bisexuality busted. Are there any you don’t see here? Do you disagree with my conclusions? Leave a comment!