Why You Should Date Your Long Term Partner
It’s been a while since I went on a proper date. Like probably close to a year. Not because I don’t want to, and not because I don’t have someone I want to date. I’ve been married to my wife for nearly 10 years, and often spend time daydreaming about fancy dates and ways to treat her to a child-free night out that sweeps her off her feet. But therein lies the primary obstacle and the reason I daydream.
My wife and I have two beautiful children. I know every parent says their children are beautiful, but our boys genuinely are (you can believe me because I can assure you there is no genetic bias involved in that statement). Captain Fantastic is a 3 year old dynamo with mischief in every move, and Handsome Hodgson is a 6 year old sweetheart with a cheeky giggle that slays us daily. When HH was born, my Mother-in-Law was keen as mustard to babysit, and my own Mother travelled the length of the country to do so! But before CF arrived, we lost my MIL suddenly, and my own mother found herself with 3 new grandchildren in her local vicinity, and so we find ourselves now with a distinct lack of babysitters.
But here we are, about 10 months date-free, and I badly want some alone time with my wife, away from the house. And the kids. Lately we find ourselves claiming to be too tired, too poor, too busy. We never seem to have the time or energy to do anything more than the things we must to keep the household moving and ourselves well. But I fear our excuses are exactly the reason we need to go on a date! So, after careful analysis, here are the three main reasons why dating when you’re in a long term relationship is a must.
- There must always be time to reconnect with each other, away from the every day hustle and bustle of living together, working, parenting, whatever else fills your life and your collective world. Time to have a real conversation without bringing it back to the daily grind. Talk about your common interests — music, movies, books, politics, current events even! Take a moment together to recall your first date and remind yourselves where you have come from, and where you are going. Have a laugh, a cry, whatever you need to do, and make sure you are solid as a unit before returning to the real world.
- All of your excuses for not doing it are invalid. Genuinely. There is actually no legitimate reason why dating can’t happen, and happen regularly. Even if your planned date is a lunch hour crammed into your work day, and you both have to rush to get there and back to work, it is worth it. Or put the kids in their pajamas, in the car, and drive until they fall asleep. Once they are asleep, anything is possible within the confines of that vehicle (get your mind out of the gutter, that’s not what I meant!) so use the time you can grab. Get a drive-thru hot chocolate and park up at the beach, pop your favourite playlist on and hold hands, or simply spend some time checking in with how each other is doing. Dates are what you make them, and the key ingredient is always communication. It doesn’t have to be expensive, energy sapping, or even technically child-free. Just stop making those excuses and make a plan.
- Your relationship is worth the effort. She is worth the effort. And so are you! Too often we see examples of couples who drift apart over time, who love each other but aren’t “in love” anymore. It doesn’t have to be that way. Yes people change, and so does love, but if she can change, your love for her is capable of change too. Make her feel special, remind her that there is a reason you choose to wake up to her every day, and that you are growing old together. And grow. Don’t ever stop making time to see the woman you fell in love with. Enjoy the woman she is becoming, and bask in the knowledge that the woman she is now is the woman your love helped create. And let that make you feel special too. Because in her eyes, you are.
So there you have it. The reasons why you simply must date your long term partner. Connection, communication and change. Get organizing and don’t wait for an opportunity to suddenly appear. Make it happen. Make time, not excuses, and don’t let it suddenly be 10 months without a date. Which reminds me, I have a voucher for a free hot chocolate. I wonder if the kids will mind sleeping in the car tonight…
